Monday, September 7, 2009

Late Night Thoughts

Not too much has gone on since my last post.
Marcos is in Bakersfield keeping KGDP AM660 running. Hopefully he can come home tomorrow night for just a little bit. I miss him a lot. I feel bad, any time that he calls - it's always super noisy around me or something distracting is going on.
It's been tough having him gone. I don't know how single mom's do it.

Today we were super late to church. ugh. Woke up this morning with a low and also with a weird ending to a dream. So I treated my low...was pretty much awake, but also super sleepy at the same time. I went back to bed, but after I woke up and pressed snooze one too many times and WAY MORE tired than before. I realized we don't have anything "easy" to eat for breakfast... Johnny and I finished breakfast, got ready for church, and fortunately was able to listen to 1/2 of the service.
Needless to say... not the greatest morning. Seeing everyone at church was great! I am really enjoying going to Calvary Chapel Living Word. I knew that if I didn't go to church I would be miserable and cranky.

Speaking of cranky...Lately I've been having some really weird mood issues. Issues like feeling absolutely exhausted, not being able to do anything, outbursts of anger, and crying. I don't know what's wrong with me. Sometimes I can write it off as diabetes highs and lows... but for the most part - totally unexplained. Maybe it's because Marcos is gone and I can't keep up with everything. Normally if he is gone I can get a lot done, but it's different now with Johnny and now having diabetes. I dunno. When I'm with people I'm ok, but it's when I'm alone at home with Johnny, I get into the worst funks ever.
I just want it to stop. I just want to run away from it all. And there's the voice in the back of my mind saying "uhhh... what's the matter with you. this is totally not like you. snap out of it." and then I reply "I don't know...::cry::"

Yay for Game Night at the Lusk's. It always fun hanging out with the gang. However, I think Johnny and I stayed too long. JO kept getting in the way or where I had to keep an eye on him...not being able to relax and enjoy myself and enjoy being with company.


Most of the time, I don't want to go to bed because I know it will all start over in the morning.


Until next time. Thanks for listening.

Lindsey O.

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